[September 25, 2020] Over the past several years, I’ve mentored many young leaders in the Boys Scouts, Police Departments, on college campuses, and in the business world. I always emphasize to them the importance of being likable. Here is a fact of life; if people like you, they will give you opportunities others will not get.
That’s right. People who are the most likable get more shots at success. Call it human nature (which it probably is) or human bias; the indisputable truth is that the most important quality a person can have is a consistently likable disposition. Nothing else comes close to being so important. You can be smart, experienced, “pedigreed,” and wise, but you will never be treated as well if others like you.
Here are some suggestions that can make you more likable. Have some humility, be genuine and tell the truth, show you care about others, respect others, keep your commitments, share credit for accomplishments, help people, and don’t blame others or whine. If you’re not likable, work on it. If you are likable, get better. Simple. Likable people do better in life and are happier.
The simple truth is, as a leader, you will be continuously judged on everything you do. Your job, health, looks, speech, and clothing are being evaluated when you step into a room with others. From every human angle, people will see you for what you are, and there is no escape from it. To be likable means making people feel comfortable and welcome, and making them feel accepted, understood, and valued.
Likable people’s bosses let them do things they don’t let other people do.1 When likable people stumble, others help them. Likable people call this kindness; unlikable people call it office politics. People like to work with and be around likable people. Most workplaces are relatively small. The United States Army active duty population is about 470,0002; you will see that person again in the future. Be careful about how you present yourself.
My first Company Commander was not a likable person. We often worked against him just because he was unkind to soldiers in our unit. Leaders will fail if they are unlikable. He was never promoted to Field Grade officer and left the service disgruntled because he thought everyone was against him, and he was right.
Likability is a social skill. With effort, anyone can be likable. Many attributes are closely associated with being likable (like courage, commitment, truthfulness, and friendliness). Separating them is impossible, so that means getting better at a long list of behaviors that impact us every day. Good luck!
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Another excellent article. I’ve been cruising around your leadership blog and found this important article with great advice. Thanks.
Another enjoyable article that points out clearly the direction leaders should take particularly from an early age, if possible.
Yes, Orange Man, and a way that many have overlooked or just rejected. They have no idea the power of being likable.
Never underestimate the human soul. We like people who give us positive feedback. And, we go out of our way to do good things for them. Those with bad attitudes are fighting an uphill battle.
Under appreciated trait of a leader. Too many confuse this concept plus they believe they must be “liked” by everyone. That is impossible and maybe a good thing too. When you have people who don’t like you, it gives you an opportunity to bring them over to your side. Maybe they have something that is useful that you can put into your leadership toolbox. Just think about that for a minute. Yep, listen to others as if they have something important to contribute.
That is so true, Max. Well said. I will add that many leaders (usually managers, so not truly leaders) that I’ve known have no desire to be liked. But they also don’t reach their full potential either.
Well said. This comment is one of the reasons I read the comments forum here. I say, read this section daily, it only takes a few minutes and you will gain a lot.
Thanks Gen. Satterfield for another spot-on article on an important leader quality. 👍
Imagine this article coming out today. I watched Pres Trump at a big rally in Florida last night and you could tell from the crowd and how he acted just how much he is liked. I’m not a big Trump fan but anyone watching the “show” could tell instantly he is very likable.
….. and “Slow Joe” is not likable. Have pit on Joe Biden, that is the only way he’ll attract voters. So, Joe Biden has the leftists and the pity-makers on his side. Trump has everyone else. Joe, take a hint from Trump. Get your butt out there and campaign.
* pity
I got a big kick out your comment, old warrior. as always. Thanks for making my day.
I’m a Joe Biden fan, so naturally I will disagree a bit with your analysis but there is certainly no denying the likability of President Trump. But it is not likability that gets the job done.
As I sit here drinking my morning cup of coffee and with my dog at my feet, I’m enjoying the day. When I was a working man in the manufacturing business, I found that those managers who got the most done were those that also were liked the most. They made fair but hard decisions. People respected them for it. So, I believe respectability is one of the likable traits. What are the others? Gen. Satterfield laid some of the out for us here.
Good comment, Kenny. Yes, it would be easier for us if Gen. Satterfield simply listed what made up the trait of “likability.”
Willie, you can read them for yourself, they were linked to below. I agree that he can only do so much, so let’s read for ourselves and do our own bit of research.
Willie, yes but we can do it ourselves too. Hey, Eric, great comment.
Another exceptional article on the vitalness of being liked by others. Once again, I will say that much care needs to be taken with this trait.
How to be More Likable: https://www.theleadermaker.com/how-to-be-more-likable/
Leadership: on Being Likable: https://www.theleadermaker.com/leadership-on-being-likable/
Likable Leaders versus Popular Leaders: https://www.theleadermaker.com/likable-leaders-versus-popular-leaders/
Here are the previous aritcles others have referred to. I highly recommend also reading these.
Thanks Eric for taking the time to hunt these down and link to these important blog posts by Gen. Satterfield. I found the second one most informative.
Thanks Eric. All these are great and help me understand better today’s article too.
Even in the US army, being likable is important and that is true regardless of position. I would not hesitate to write that the higher you go in rank, the more you should pay attention to being likable. Again, as distinguished from being popular. Just remember, the fact that you are a leader means that some people will not like you.
I have found the same thing. But too many young people think this means being popular and being liked no matter what. All that is untrue. There is a way that Gen. Satterfield has noted before in earlier articles on being likable.
Yes! I’ve found the same thing. This website has a long list of articles on how to improve yourself and likability is one that has been hit upon at least three times.
See Eric’s comment above.