[October 16, 2022] Lately, I’ve been poking a bit of fun at the “woke” military recruiting ads. I think these woke ads are driving men (and, yes I mean “men”) away from joining the military. Maybe that is their intent. Nearly every commercial ad incorporates a LGBTI+ person in their efforts to appeal to the newest woke generation. Regardless, I came across a video about why old men should be allowed to join the Armed Forces. A sense of humor is necessary to enjoy it. Imagine the following with the sound of the Army Song or Marine Corps Hymn in the background. Enjoy!
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists.
You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing backwards.
Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.
For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every ten seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep. I’m tired and hungry.’
We’re bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some ***hole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while …
An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell.
Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys … We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food.
We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
The could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I’ve been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with a rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push-ups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave or to start a conversation with a pretty girl.
He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way. Let us old guys track down those terrorists.
The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million hacked off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
Hey!! How about recruiting Women over 50 … in menopause!
You think MEN have attitudes? Ohhhhh my goodness!!!
If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They’ll have it secured the first night!
Send this to all of your senior friends in BIG TYPE so they can read it.
Please read my new book, “Our Longest Year in Iraq,” on Amazon (link here).