A Bit of Military Recruiting Humor

By | October 16, 2022

[October 16, 2022]  Lately, I’ve been poking a bit of fun at the “woke” military recruiting ads.  I think these woke ads are driving men (and, yes I mean “men”) away from joining the military.  Maybe that is their intent.  Nearly every commercial ad incorporates a LGBTI+ person in their efforts to appeal to the newest woke generation.  Regardless, I came across a video about why old men should be allowed to join the Armed Forces.  A sense of humor is necessary to enjoy it.  Imagine the following with the sound of the Army Song or Marine Corps Hymn in the background.  Enjoy!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists.

You can’t be older than 42 to join the military.  They’ve got the whole thing backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.  You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every ten seconds.  Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.  ‘My back hurts!  I can’t sleep.  I’m tired and hungry.’

We’re bad-tempered and impatient, and maybe letting us kill some ***hole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while …

An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10am.  Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell.

Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them.  In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys … We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food.

We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns.  We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

The could lighten up on the obstacle course however.  I’ve been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with a rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any push-ups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy too.  I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.  He’s still learning to shave or to start a conversation with a pretty girl.

He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.  Let us old guys track down those terrorists.

The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million hacked off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

Hey!!  How about recruiting Women over 50 … in menopause!

You think MEN have attitudes?  Ohhhhh my goodness!!!

If nothing else, put them on border patrol.  They’ll have it secured the first night!

Send this to all of your senior friends in BIG TYPE so they can read it.


Please read my new book, “Our Longest Year in Iraq,” on Amazon (link here).

Author: Douglas R. Satterfield

Hello. I provide one article every day. My writings are influenced by great thinkers such as Friedrich Nietzsche, Karl Jung, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, Jean Piaget, Erich Neumann, and Jordan Peterson, whose insight and brilliance have gotten millions worldwide to think about improving ourselves. Thank you for reading my blog.

18 thoughts on “A Bit of Military Recruiting Humor

  1. New Girl #1

    When you’re preoccupied with something funny, you can’t simultaneously focus on the negativity. Humorous interludes can give you a break from worrying. That space, that place where you can let your hair down and breathe, in and of itself is beneficial. Explains why liberal/progressives are so sad, hateful, resentful, and mean all the time. They have zero humor.

  2. ZB22

    Gen. Satterfield has given us another one of his articles that just draw you in. I couldn’t stop reading the article. Oh, I tried to find the video on YouTube and other places but couldn’t … if anyone has a link, please let me know.

    1. Big Al

      Right, I would like to have it to. That way I can send it out to my friends without clogging up my AOL account. Now, please don’t degrade me for using AOL (they are a ‘woke’ company) because I know they are heavily biased. I just don’t read the garbage they have on their site. I don’t think anyone does except for a few basement dwelling commie-red diaper baby liberals.

  3. Dog Man

    Just a lovin’ this website. Hey, Gen. Satterfield, good work. You made my day. Oh, just a suggestion, please consider adding a piece of your website and devote it to humor. I think a lot of us would appreciate you doing so.

  4. Yusaf from Texas

    Nailed it again, Gen. Satterfield.

  5. Tony B. Custer

    You don’t have to be an ‘old person’ to appreciate the fun in these words. But you can’t be a ‘progressive’ political peon or you might go into spasms of fear.

  6. Lady Hawk

    Just a word to say thanks. I opened my iPad this morning with theLeaderMaker.com as the first thing I see and pow, got another great article and this one to make me laugh a little. Also, like Dale, I’m an old fart, old fart lady to you (he he). So, lets have more of this kind of action, Gen. Satterfield. And make it another permanent part of your blog. Just a suggestion.

    1. JT Patterson

      Yeah, good one. I like it when this leadership website delves into humor. Our “woke” political establishment and their underlings in the media are always trying to destroy humor because it makes fun of people. Well, toughen up, humor is good for the soul.

    2. Army Captain

      A healthy sense of humor can help you deal with tough times. Humor might seem like a soothing balm or a light diversion. But humor is much more powerful than something that simply lulls us or calms us down.


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