[April 2, 2020] Today, I have a little lighthearted story to tell. A friend of mine from Chicago wrote me the other day to pass along an interesting story about a retired British Navy Admiral. The admiral was approaching the age of 80 and wanted a young person to help out around the house, engage in basic health care duties, and provide companionship.
Widowed now for more than twenty years, and with the Coronavirus pandemic building up dramatically, the admiral wanted help. Using an alias, he placed an advertisement in several newspapers near Canterbury, southeast England. The ad is duplicated here in this article, but I removed contact information and other identification notes. I found the ad interesting and funny.
Furthermore, and why I published it here on my leadership blog, is that the very person the admiral is looking for is what he would like to see in a junior Naval officer. This is why I decided that more people should see this with only minor redactions.
The advert begins with the basics:
Wanted, Retired Navy Officer seeks Help
- Retired Military Officer requests a young person to help with household duties and provide companionship to a highly decorated Royal Navy Admiral.
- Person must be free of disease, physically strong, mentally sturdy, and Christian.
- University student is preferable as this would make for an ideal situation.
- Full room and board costs provided. Monthly remuneration (redacted amount).
This ad is what I found of particular interest:
Applicant must be:
- Immensely patriotic and loyal to England and the Crown
- Able to tolerate offensive language, outlandish stories, salty conversations, and eccentric behavior
- Hard-working, quick to adopt responsibility without being told, and works in the absence of explicit guidance
- Willing to learn about the respectable history of the Royal Navy and its customs
- A good listener and conversationalist
- Not afraid of blood or other bodily fluids
- Capable of lifting a 90kg gaffer off the deck
- Outgoing with a positive personality and (redacted, you don’t want to know)
- Seeking to better themselves in a unique way
- Most importantly, be brutally honest, selfless, and highly ethical in all things
- and, if you’ve read the biographies of Winston Churchill and Margaret Thatcher, you’re hired
It just doesn’t stop because there are more items of interest.
- If you’re a generation snowflake, feel entitled, or easily offended, don’t apply
- If the applicant is Liberal Democrat, do not apply
- If you support the European Union, big government, immigration, and the Euro monetary system, do not apply
- If you don’t support a strong British military force, do not apply
- If you are hooked on alcohol or illegal drugs, do not apply
- And, if you cross-dress, are sexually transitioning, identify as the opposite sex, or still or just started playing with toys, do not apply
I have to hand it to the Brit Naval officer who wrote this. I laughed so hard tears ran down my leg.