[February 7, 2026] “How can I be a better friend?” This was a young Army officer’s comment to a classmate in the Infantry Officer Basic Course back in 1983. There were 200 of us new Second Lieutenants, and we needed every advantage we could get, and a friend was helpful. What I was to learn at Fort Benning was less about military tactics and more about becoming a better, more reliable, and trustworthy friend.
We all learned how to be better officers, which is to be expected given our previous experience. The IOBC course, like many challenging episodes in our lives, was designed to help us grow as leaders, to push us together, to rely on each other, and to forge connections/networks that would last a lifetime. It worked.
I still know many of my classmates, now more than forty years later. If any of them call me and ask for help, I’ll be there. Some say this is more than friendship, and perhaps that’s true. It’s a comradeship that transcends everything about us as individuals.
What was it that we learned in this Army course that made us capable of being better friends? Here are some of what I learned. Looking back on those tough times — and yes, the course was physically and mentally demanding — I have some of my best military memories.
- Be Honest: This might seem obvious at first, but it can be hard to practice. Every other Second Lieutenant is competing with us. We have a natural tendency to take advantage whenever possible. Yet, it is better to be straightforward, honest, to tell the truth, and do so bluntly—to provide proper feedback to those we wish to call friends.
- Listen: Good listening skills are invaluable for those who can do it. This means training yourself or asking others for help to improve. Work at it. Learn how to rephrase what the other person is thinking so you can understand better. Listening is a key to being a better friend and a better leader. Listen like you care—and show it.
- Give Feedback: One of the greatest advantages of a good friend is that friends don’t let friends do stupid things. Emotions can sometimes take over, leading us to make poor decisions. Be there for a friend so they feel comfortable talking about risky choices.
- Keep Your Word: This may seem obvious, but life gets busy, and we might have to choose between priorities that leave friends out. If you can’t follow through on a promise, let your friend know as soon as possible. Prioritize your life to keep your promises. That’s how trust is built, and trust is what keeps society together.
- Celebrate Their Wins: If your friend succeeds, celebrate with them. Don’t ignore their achievements or bring up something good that happened to you years ago. Let them enjoy their victories. A good friend rejoices with you and doesn’t feel jealous.
- Help Them Dream Bigger: A good friend encourages growth—trying new things and becoming better versions of themselves. Be a cheerleader to help them reach their greatest goals. This may include helping them overcome doubts about what they want. Our biggest regrets in life are rarely about decisions we’ve made but about opportunities we didn’t pursue.
Remember the Golden Rule: Consider how great things could be if they were wonderful for you, your family, and your community. Think about this across time—not just today or next week, but for the next year or five years. Take good care of yourself and your friends with this perspective, and work to make it a reality for them too.
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Please read my books:
Be a good friend. Don’t do stupid.
Personally, I think #2 is the easiest and simpliest to start being a better friend. Listen: Good listening skills are invaluable for those who can do it. This means training yourself or asking others for help to improve. Work at it. Learn how to rephrase what the other person is thinking so you can understand better. Listening is a key to being a better friend and a better leader. Listen like you care—and show it.
I agree, No. 2.
IF there is one thing on the Internet that is easy to find and read, it is stories about how to be a better friend. Most of them are like what we have here today from Gen. Satterfield. I like earlier articles here that go on to explain the deeper psychological underpinnings of friendship, rather than a simple list of being honest, a listener, and truth teller. While this is good, I prefer the deeper meaning that we have from Gen. S in the past. Still, this is a good article and worth reading. THANK YOU.
Good friends are always worthy of our need.
Number 5 is one of the best and where we often fall down as a good friend. Here is the reminder.
5. Celebrate Their Wins: If your friend succeeds, celebrate with them. Don’t ignore their achievements or bring up something good that happened to you years ago. Let them enjoy their victories. A good friend rejoices with you and doesn’t feel jealous.
Well said, New Girl. I agree. This is one thing that young men are absolutely terrible at. Men need more experience with this, and I think the reason is we are always in competition with one another. Gen. Satterfield, please continue to add to this kind of article. And, I just want to say that I finally finished your book “Our Longest Year in Iraq.” I read it after reading all your articles on “Iraq War Pre-Surge.” Makes more sense now.
https://www.amazon.com/Our-Longest-Year-Iraq-Construction/dp/1737915510/
I recommend your book with 5 starts.
Good list, thanks Gen. Satterfield. May I also add that to be a good friend, one has to learn to also be tolerant. Too many of us are impatient, and from there we are loath to listen. This leads to unfortunate consequences. Good job.
Friends from my Navy days are, very fortunately, still my friends. Why? Because we know that the military taught us the right way to be “brothers.” That, sir, is something we shall never ever forget.
Navy Vet, you are fortunate to have learned this at a young age. Too many of us take a lifetime to figure out that being a friend is more than just putting them into your Facebook list. Ah, the list that Gen. Satterfield gives us today, is well, how should I say this, incomplete. There is, naturally, much more to being a friend. I do see where he is going with this. Friends are those you can tell bad things to and they will help you. They are also those who you can tell good things to, and they will celebrate with you. Learn to be a good friend. That is something that is forever.
Good comment, Tony. I’m glad that we are getting to read things that help make us better. I’ll also point out that the book “55 rules for a good life” is one of those that lays good friendship out in great detail.
GOOD ONE!!!
This is HOW to be a good friend, but also HOW to be better than you can be. Gen. Satterfield may be sounding like others who write on the topic, but here we see he is discussing being a better friend within the context of the military. Great works, again. Thank you. 🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️