[November 20, 2022] I often heard from many of my Soldiers, “How do you find the right person?” They ask how to find someone to date, marry, and have children. Not someone to go out and have fun with but someone they can genuinely be serious about. I tell them that this is not a good question. You will not find the answer if you pose the question like that.
The right question is, “How can I make myself into the most attractive possible person?” Everybody is focused on finding the right person, but very few are trying to become the right person. For young men, the best answer is for them to get their act together, grow up a bit, and create order in their lives. What they should be aiming at is a high degree of generosity.
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – Chinese Proverb, Chapter 64 of the Dao De Jing
Fix all those little problems you have been ignoring and consciously clean up all the leftover mental and physical problems from your past and present. You can become the best person and do so one step at a time. Take the first step. That first step is often the hardest.
Dr. Jordan Peterson puts to us a slightly different question. “How can you tell if the person you are in a romantic relationship with is the right person to spend the rest of your life with?” His answer is, “You can’t. You actually decide that rather than discovering it.” He also notes that similar personality traits are conducive to a longer-lasting relationship.
I would add that you must be able to trust the other person. I believe that would be an essential element, closely followed by the ability to negotiate. Furthermore, you must be able to share similar interests (generally) and lifetime goals (career and children, for example).
If you can find someone like that, and they are approximately the right age and everything else seems to be in order, that might be a start.
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