[November 20, 2022] I often heard from many of my Soldiers, “How do you find the right person?” They ask how to find someone to date, marry, and have children. Not someone to go out and have fun with but someone they can genuinely be serious about. I tell them that this is not a good question. You will not find the answer if you pose the question like that.
The right question is, “How can I make myself into the most attractive possible person?” Everybody is focused on finding the right person, but very few are trying to become the right person. For young men, the best answer is for them to get their act together, grow up a bit, and create order in their lives. What they should be aiming at is a high degree of generosity.
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – Chinese Proverb, Chapter 64 of the Dao De Jing
Fix all those little problems you have been ignoring and consciously clean up all the leftover mental and physical problems from your past and present. You can become the best person and do so one step at a time. Take the first step. That first step is often the hardest.
Dr. Jordan Peterson puts to us a slightly different question. “How can you tell if the person you are in a romantic relationship with is the right person to spend the rest of your life with?” His answer is, “You can’t. You actually decide that rather than discovering it.” He also notes that similar personality traits are conducive to a longer-lasting relationship.
I would add that you must be able to trust the other person. I believe that would be an essential element, closely followed by the ability to negotiate. Furthermore, you must be able to share similar interests (generally) and lifetime goals (career and children, for example).
If you can find someone like that, and they are approximately the right age and everything else seems to be in order, that might be a start.
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Gen. Satterfield, you’ve done it again and are making some great sense – common sense? – that we can all learn from. Don’t look for the perfect mate, make yourself the perfect mate (or the best you can be). That is how you should ‘see’ the world.
You have my honor with what General Satterfield tells us.
Great article, the ownness is upon us, not the other person.
Amazing…made me THINK.
Happy Thanksgiving 🦃 and turkey day. Great job, Gen. Satterfield.
Gen. Satterfield, again great words from great man and who gives of himself to assist those like me and others who can be much more effective in what we do. Leaders are to be what takes us out of the horror of the world and lead us into the promised land we judge to attain.
Welcome Ayn Jalut to my blog.
At first I was surprised to read this article. I’d always looked for that perfect person to be my mate for life. Then, and it was a slow realization that the problem was not the other person but it was me that needed to be improved. How could I become the perfect person for someone else. We will always have flaws but my job is to fix as many of them in myself as possible. That way others will be attracted to me. This idea will set you free.
Great comment mainer. That is also the way of the world. Not just for looking for another ‘mate’ or spouse to be with you but in all matters of being human.
Great way to look at it.
Of course, that is why Gen. Satterfield has the brain power to write about such an important topic. But it also extends way beyond “finding the right person,” but to finding the right friend, future spouse, etc.
Like the smart folks out there, I finally got it. Look inward to yourself for the solution, not outward to others. That’s what Gen. Satterfield calls “responsibility” and that is what makes us who we are.
— if you read his book “55 Rules for a Good Life” you will see this theme throughout his book. Get a copy now.
https://www.amazon.com/55-Rules-Good-Life-Responsibility/dp/1737915529/
Ask the right question and you’ll be more likely to find the right answer.
I found it very interesting how Gen. S. turned the question that we so often ask, around onto us. Great job. I’m new here to this website and I hope to make a contribution. Thanks.
Welcome to your new experience on Gen. Satterfield’s leadership forum where you can learn more than you ever bargained for.
TRUST is the foundation of human existence. Everything revolves around it.
Nothing like emphasizing the lessons of the ancients. Their thinking survives to this day and we improved upon them very little, if at all. ✔
Good point.
✔😎❤😊👀✌
Men, here are some suggestions:
Be Clean
Be energetic
Be kind and respectful
Be supportive of your family and community
Get married
Be a Christian … only then can you experience true freedom
“The right question is, “How can I make myself into the most attractive possible person?” Everybody is focused on finding the right person, but very few are trying to become the right person. For young men, the best answer is for them to get their act together, grow up a bit, and create order in their lives. What they should be aiming at is a high degree of generosity.” — Gen. Douglas Satterfield. And he is spot on right.
And you are again right to pull out this particular quote. Good job Emma. Remember what is written here.
Don’t look for the right person, make yourself the right person.
Valuable quote. thanks Fred Weber. 😎
Now that is a philosophy of life that works and Gen. Satterfield, I’m sure, would be proud of you Fred that you summarized his article in just one sentence. I think I will use your quote and see what kind of reaction I get from my friends who are interested in finding someone to love them.
Yes, Lynn and why not? You must have a vision in life, something to aim at or you will get nowhere. You must know where you are going if you want to go somewhere. Paraphrasing Gen. Satterfield.
Thnk you Tom. You and I have been long-term supporters of this leadership forum and Gen. Satterfield has me writing on occasion a war movie review. I love doing it. And, like the rest of us here, I don’t get paid but I do gain experience in THINKING properly. That is one of the greatest values of this website.
Very good article and worth reading a second time to make sure I picked up on the nuisances.
Got my copy of his book too and if you don’t have a copy of ’55 Rules for a Good Life’ then you are missing out on something very important to both you and your family. Get it now. Here is the link:
https://www.amazon.com/55-Rules-Good-Life-Responsibility/dp/1737915529/
Enjoy!!!!!
Hi Mr. John, and thanks for the link but Gen. Satterfield already has it at the bottom of each article. What did you like best of his book. I liked the fact that all his “rules” are pretty basic and common sensical. I got a lot from it too.
Gen. Satterfield, good one and full of practical advice on where to put our expectations. ❤
BTW, loved your book, “55 Rules for a Good Life” and sent another copy to my cousin in Texas.
Yep, great comment. I too loved Gen. Satterfield’s newest book. But don’t forget his other book “Our Longest Year in Iraq.” I really did enjoy that one and read it to get some insight into the interworkings of our soldiers in the Iraq War. If you want to really get insights, read his books.
Good point, LM. 55 Rules for a Good Life is the very book we should all read, esp. if we are young.