[December 15, 2019] An old Vietnam War veteran was one of my mentors when I was an Infantry Company Commander. He was also a great coach. His favorite topic was teaching his officers how leaders listen. I was fortunate to have him as a member of my unit.
“Listen to many, speak to a few.” – William Shakespeare, English poet
A reader of this blog sent me a link to an article from the HuffPost. Titled, “Learning to Listen;” the author lays out a methodology to be a better listener.1 On my first read, I think he missed the point of listening. There are some excellent ideas in the article, some indispensable but I don’t believe that concentration is the solution for learning to listen.
What I’ve done is laid out a better way to listen. It’s less process-driven, like the HuffPost article. Leaders listen more when oriented toward a specific goal:
- There is a conscious decision to listen. “I’m going to listen to you.” This is different than when people communicate, which is usually translated as “I’m going to tell you why I’m right and if you agree, I win.” Or, you’re just trying to impress someone and thinking of what to say next.
- The purpose of listening is to make things better. This making things better is the heart and soul of any proper relationship.
- What the other person has to say has value, something useful for the listener to know. What the listener gains is perhaps something they don’t like or find contemptible. Or, they tell the listener something that makes them less ignorant or useful.
- Recognize that it is difficult to overcome the proclivity to show that you are right. And, most of what you hear is not valuable (in the listener’s judgment) but there will be things of value.
- In the conversation, the listener should be trying to understand the truth of the situation, as clearly as possible.2
Any conversation that adheres to this pattern will make both people better. The supposition is that the exchange of truth is curative. This is an old idea and one that is deeper in meaning that perhaps we can understand. It is the basis of most Western civilizations.
Dull conversations are an indication that the leader is not listening. People are very interesting, and they will tell us things that are attention-grabbing. The listener can ask questions (a process idea) but one must be oriented correctly to listen.
And the proper orientation is that both must agree that the place they are headed with the conversation is a better place than before the conversation took place. What is better than that?
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I know it’s early but Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (in advance). The next few days are going to be pretty busy so I don’t know if I’ll be commenting during that time but I won’t miss reading. Have a great season folks and I look forward to adding more comments later. Cheers!
General Satterfield, another excellent article. Thank you!
Yes, V, you are right. Here is an example. When searching the Internet for the highest rated article on the subject we’re discussing, this is what came up: “Listen Up! 10 Great Tips for Better Listening” http://workawesome.com/communication/10-great-tips-better-listening/
Not a horrible article but a quick count gave me 10 advertisements. Go figure!
I’m sitting here with my Labrador Retriever – Max – and listening to him snore while I read this leadership blog by Gen. Satterfield. What else would make for a better Sunday morning? Any way, I was thinking about the points made here and by those friends of mine in this forum when I got to thinking how small thoughts (like the Huffpost) actually are not that good for us. In the past, I just blew them off, forgetting about the contents. Now, maybe – just maybe – those Huffpost pieces are just a bunch of words to fillup our brains with mush. Oh, just like the snowflakes in college.
College snowflakes deserve another whole article. Maybe Gen. Satterfield could try to tackle that problem. The issue, I think, is the failure of professors (actually the biggest part of the problem) and college administrators to insist that college students act like adults and take on responsibility and tell the truth.
Bill, those profs and admin guys are not interested in the truth or pushing anyone to pick up responsibilities. That’s too HARD.
You are correct Bill in the sense that the failure is not just in a single isolated location or region but across the spectrum of colleges and universities in the West. Our failure as a society to put a stop to it early on is our own failure.
If your goal as a leader (or anyone for that matter) is to make both people “better” when listening, then you are on the right track. The little techniques that make it easier can be found in a lot of self-help articles across the Internet – like the one referenced here in the Huffpost article. But if you really want to listen, you have to have the right motivation and goals.
Spot-on comment. ?
As always, Max, good comment and analysis. The HuffPost and other self-help (and hyper liberal) magazines/blogs are not there to really help us but to simply draw attention to their readers so they can buy more advertising. Nothing more except to push a liberal agenda. Thanks Gen. Satterfield, another great start to my Sunday morning.
“How” leaders listen is not a process-driven idea except to those who are shallow in their understanding. It’s about having the right goals up front.
Correct. Gen. Satterfield has taken what is normally written in blogs – concentrate and don’t talk as much – and turn it on its head to lay out a much better foundation. Well done, Gen. S. This is exactly why we all keep coming back to your wonderful blog.
Yep! That’s why I read this leadership blog and not those corny HuffPost pieces of garbage.
Harry, the HuffPost is a commie, anti-American rag anyway. Don’t worry, most folks know to avoid reading the articles because those articles are just to sell the liberal point of view.
Same for me Harry. I am a relatively new reader and keep coming back. One of the reasons is that the articles are short and to the point. No beating around the bush, so to speak. The other is that the forum has a good bunch of folks who add and clarify. Thanks all.
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