[October 4, 2026] One of the realities of aging grandparents is that the number of times you will be with them is not a very big number, and that’s if everything goes well. We should be aware of that and grateful and awake and maximize the time and minimize the stupidity and unnecessary suffering, because we do not know when those opportunities with our grandparents are going to end.
One of the things we do have to understand is that we have less time for many things than we think. Seek out your grandparents, and do it while you still can. They are the nearest living archive of how a family actually survived: what they feared, what they sacrificed, which habits kept the household from coming apart, and which stories were worth repeating. Meaning is not invented from scratch by the individual. It is partly inherited.
Culture, competence, and even the capacity to tell the truth are transmitted across generations, and grandparents are often the last people who still hold the unpolished version of that transmission. Ignoring them is a form of voluntary amnesia. You cut yourself off from the evidence of what worked and what failed before you arrived.
You did not build the world you inhabit. Language, law, agriculture, medicine, and the simple fact that you were fed and sheltered as a child are gifts from people who are mostly dead. Grandparents are the visible face of that debt.
The biblical command to honor father and mother, which is psychologically serious rather than merely pious, extends naturally one generation further. Gratitude here works. You should orient yourself in such a way as to treat what you received as something to be understood and, where it was good, continue it.
However, you are not your grandparents’ project, and you are not required to validate their errors. Some grandparents were negligent, cruel, alcoholic, or simply absent. Pretending otherwise is the same lie that happens when people romanticize dysfunctional families.
You owe them attention, respect, and an honest accounting. You owe the future the willingness to keep what they got right and refuse what they got wrong. That is a heavier obligation than sentimental loyalty, because it requires judgment.
Knowing your grandparents is not the same as being governed by them. The aim is to extract the pattern about how they ordered a household, how they faced hardship, what they refused to complain about, and then take responsibility for your own life. Comparison is downward to who you were yesterday, not sideways into permanent deference. Their story is information. Your life is a living experience.
Seek out your grandparents while they can still speak, listen longer than you are comfortable, and treat what they handed you as a debt to be repaid by competence rather than by nostalgia. The phrase “you owe them everything” captures the scale of the inheritance. It does not cancel the duty to sort it.
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NOTE: Much of this article is from lectures by Prof. Jordan Peterson.
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Gen.Satterfield, I’m glad you wrote this article.
This piece by Gen. Satterfield says the quiet thing straight: your grandparents will not be here forever, and waiting for a better week is how you lose them. They are the closest living record of how your family made it through hard years, and that record is not written down anywhere else. I like that the article does not turn them into saints. You can love a grandparent and still admit they got some things wrong. The line about voluntary amnesia hit me, because skipping those visits is a choice, not an accident. A phone call and a long listen beat a nice speech at a funeral. Ask about the fears, the bills, the habits that kept the house standing, and then shut up long enough to hear the answer. You do not owe them a copy of their life. You owe them attention while they can still talk, and you owe the future a better version of what they handed you. Bernie is right that the questions you never asked are the ones that stay with you. Fred is right that regret shows up late and stays. Call them this week, sit still, and treat their stories as information you can actually use.
This artiticle could just as easily been RULE #69. Hold your grandparents close, and even closer if you can. They will soon be gone, and you will regret it otherwise. And, congratulations to Gen. Satterfield for coming out with his most recent book “Growing Up Free.”
Good grandparents are like a good wine, they are to be enjoyed and respected.
❤️❤️ Thanks Good Dog ❤️❤️
My grandpa died when I was twelve, and I still wish I had asked him more questions while he was here. The part about how many times you will actually see them not being a big number is true, and most of us do not think about that until it is too late. Grandparents really are the closest living record of how a family made it through hard years. They remember what people were scared of, what they gave up, and which habits kept the house from falling apart. Ignoring them is like throwing away a book you have not finished yet. I also liked that the article did not pretend every grandparent was kind or wise. Some were mean, drunk, or just not around, and acting like that never happened is a lie. You still owe them attention and an honest look at what they did right and what they did wrong. Their stories are information, not orders you have to follow for the rest of your life. The goal is to keep what worked and drop what hurt people. Listening longer than feels comfortable is good advice, because the best parts usually come after the easy stories are done. Treat what they handed you as a debt you pay back by living well, not by hanging old photos on the wall and calling that enough. I am going to call my grandmother this week and stay on the phone even after the conversation gets quiet.