[August 9, 2026] To inquire about what others are doing is a necessary part of our existence. We first encountered this with our parents, who asked about our day. Doing so was a way of getting us to think and talk, and it works. Learning how to put into coherent words what we are doing is a crucial skill, not so easily learned.
“What are you doing?” “Where have you been?” “How was school today?” I can still hear my Mom asking these questions of me as a kid, and she was not content with a one-word answer like “good.” She wanted to genuinely know what her oldest son was doing, and why, and she wanted me to explain it to her in complete sentences without using slang or kid-speak. She cared.
Like most kids, I was annoyed. As a teenager, I was frustrated at having to explain myself to her. Wasn’t she impinging upon my privacy? I thought she was disrespecting me. However, I’m thankful my Mom didn’t give up; she needed to hear me out, period. So I answered her. I used my words and had to think what to say, to use the right words, control my emotions and not cut my answers short, and be honest about my activities. It was hard. But, a kid (or adult) lacking in basic manners, the inability to tell the truth, to take responsibility for their own actions, and to have the inability to function in a disciplined environment will not succeed.
A child who is not pushed by a parent to answer the basic questions about what they’re up to is more likely to reject legitimate authority later in life, allow a bad attitude to fester, show disrespect to others, and become a slave to their emotions. Parents are the key to their child’s success in life. Those who do not ask their children questions and make them answer properly are setting their kids up for greater difficulty. The real tragedy is that once these habits harden in adulthood, recovery becomes much harder.
Parents who care, ask. They ask the right questions and set high standards for how that child responds. A parent who tries only to be a “friend” to their kids will not push them to answer correctly. That parent will mainly be interested in being liked (not hated), and that is a feel-good emotion that is common and yet destructive in the medium to long term. It’s a trap to be your child’s friend.
The discipline of answering those simple questions builds more than manners. It trains a young mind to observe itself, to organize thoughts under mild pressure, and to speak with honesty rather than deflection. These are the same habits that later allow a person to give a clear report to a superior, to take ownership of a mistake, or to stand before others without spinning a story. Children who never practice this grow into adults who resent being asked anything at all, and who treat accountability as an insult.
I have watched both outcomes. The young people raised under steady questioning tend to carry themselves with a quiet competence. They can explain what they did, why they did it, and what they learned. The ones raised without that pressure often arrive at adulthood still searching for the words, still defensive, still surprised that the world expects coherent answers. The difference is rarely intelligence. It is almost always the early habit of being required to speak clearly about one’s own actions.
So ask the questions. Keep asking them even when the answers come slowly or reluctantly. Insist on complete sentences, on honesty, and on thoughtfulness. You are not prying for the sake of control. You are teaching your child how to live as a responsible human being who can account for himself. That is one of the most valuable gifts a parent can give.
Ask: “What are you doing?”
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Another great article of a story of Gen. Satterfield as a little boy. Loved it.
Great article, loved reading it. 🕷️
I have personally found people who are questioned regularly about their behavior and who are good at saying what they’re up to are the BEST at what they do. It matters not what profession they are in, what relationship with others, or sport/adventure. Those that can tell a story about it are even BETTER. That is why we need to be teaching kids from early years in school that identifying what goals are proper and ethical, and that there are clear steps to get there, and that they can learn to say what they’re doing to reach their goals. Otherwise, education has failed, and it has failed. Learn to write, talk, and think.
Well, nothing like logging onto my favorite leadership website and finding another story about young Doug Satterfield and his Mom. Thank you, sir.
Fred, thanks for the kind words about another story from Gen. Satterfield’s younger days. I am glad these pieces about growing up still land with readers who care about leadership. His mom’s daily questions certainly felt annoying at the time, yet they forced him to think before he spoke. Looking back, that simple habit taught him honesty and clear speech far better than any lecture. Parents who keep asking “What are you doing?” are not being nosy; they are training their kids. A child who learns to give a full answer early is far less likely to hide or make excuses later. Those same skills show up in the Army, at work, and in family life when accountability matters. I have seen young people who never practiced this struggle to explain themselves as adults. The difference is rarely smarts; it is almost always the early habit of being required to answer. So keep reading these stories if they help you think about how you raise the next generation. Thank you again for taking the time to leave a note on your thoughts.
…and loved by thousands of folks who read his website. 👍
You got that right, Ashley. That’s why I’m here. What he is doing here is telling us that others “check” our behavior and give us feedback (good or bad) and sometimes verbally, sometimes physically, that what we are doing. That is the way of us humans. Ha Ha HA……
Good one, Gen. Satterfield. Like Eye Cat below in his comment, these are the types of articles I love to read about. Especially as a parent, I can see how and why certain things work in a good and proper upbringing of children.
…. and just as I finished making a comment this morning about this very topic, your article pops up. This article today on “What are you doing?” is exactly the kind that I like reading. It’s about being questioned about your day. Kids don’t like to answer that question, so there are two reasons for the questioning. One, and what Gen. Satterfield said, it teaches us to articulate properly, and to think in words what we are doing. Two, it is an immediate feedback loop about our behaivor. It gives our parents a chance to correct us verbally before it turns into something else that is bad. Just my way of thinking about this article. Well written.