[June 24, 2019] Leaders make mistakes; it goes with the leadership territory. This means an apology should be forthcoming to show you recognize the error, learned from it, and are moving on. There are also times when not to apologize.
Apologizing when you’re wrong shows humility and that you have the ability to learn and change for the better. Being a good leader means being flexible and resilient. An honest apology does this.
There are also times when an apology is misplaced and, on occasion, counterproductive. Below, I listed a few of those times. Some folks will disagree but from my experience, apologizing will sometimes not work.
- When you’ve done nothing wrong.
- When your actions are misinterpreted.
- When you are about to deliver bad news, criticism, or a controversial judgment.
- For your values, your religious beliefs, or for your nation and its history.
- For holding high standards of excellence.
- For telling the truth.
how leaders conduct themselves while not apologizing matters a great deal. One cannot be seen as dismissive, disrespectful, or uncaring. There must also be a clear, articulated reason why the leader is not apologizing. If done properly, the leader will be seen as strong and willing to stand up for their principles.
Good article on an overlooked subject. Why do we ignore small, useless behaviors like ‘apologizing too much?’ Leaders have the responsibility to fix problems like this but I don’t see much action. Pass up a small problem and you have just created a new, lower standard of behavior.
Well said!!
I had a friend that would never apologize. He was in the opposite extreme of this and yet I think he had the same problem in the end. No one liked him very much. I see that those people have generally weak social skills anyway. Their problem will get worse unless we have the moral compass to tell them the truth.
You beat me to this important point. Those who apologize too much lack some key skills. It’s up to us to help them. Otherwise we are not good leaders.
Good article again, Gen. Sattefield.
Agreed. I’m sharing this one with a few of my medical colleagues.
I have a boss who is into apologizing for the least little things. I asked her to please stop. Doing it, I told her, does not make her a better or more likable leader. Of course, she has ignored my advice and has now doubled down on her “bad habit.” I’ll let you guys know the outcome when I see it.
Others have noted it but I want to push the idea a little harder that trying to show respect by apologizing to someone doesn’t work if the apology is inappropriate. I too see people doing it. Why? I’m told that they just want to prevent someone from getting their feelings hurt. Now that is stupid, in my book.
I’m not so sure about that. Sometimes you can just get someone off your back by apologizing. I think you might be oversimplifying. ???
I agree. But these people are nutjobs and should be ignored.
Too funny but spot-on comment.
Jerome, interesting idea. Thanks!
This apologizing stuff is just another fad that will go away eventually. Yeh point is to show respect and you cannot do so by cowtowing to people. I know a young woman at work who is always apologizing for the most irrelevant things. We don’t respect her very much and, wow, is she irritating.
That’s what happens when you are not raised properly. She was given a trophy for participating. Ha ha ha.
Good article. Seems that too many folks today are quick to apologize just to ‘make people feel better.’ That’s no reason to and it cheapens real apologies.
Correct. And there is a difference between showing respect and apologizing correctly.
Yes Jerry. Thanks for reinforcing this idea. Welcome back. Haven’t heard from you in a while.
Trying to make people feel better is no reason to be apologizing to someone. An apology is from the heart not from the PC ideology we see so much of these days.
I’m glad you put this topic out here on a Monday morning. Shortly, I have a class on this very subject at work.
Good luck with your classes.
Hi Doc, where you been?
Yeah, Doc we missed your wit and charm.
Yes, best of luck. Also please tell them about Gen. Sattefield ‘s website.