[July 17, 2022] Growing up, baseball was our game. Every boy in my school played it. We all played on a Little League team, we enjoyed pick-up baseball in the streets, and even while running through the backyards of our neighborhood. Sometimes we won, sometimes we lost. My dad’s advice, “It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game.”
At the time, I didn’t really understand this piece of ancient wisdom; and don’t get me wrong, this is an ancient idea. As a kid, I asked myself, wasn’t the whole point to win? I gave my son the same advice. His question, “What do you mean by that?” I knew my advice was correct, but I couldn’t say why. Maybe it had to do with just following the rules and being kind to the other players. Wrong.
Here is the point, and what this statement means. A game is not just a game. A game is part of a series of games (even when playing with your friends). Winning a baseball game was not really what we wanted (although we certainly thought so). Our aim was to win the baseball season championship and that was the result of a series of games.
Winning the championship and winning a game are not the same thing. And the strategy of winning a championship and a single game are not the same either. In a single game, it might be better for your best player to make all the critical plays. For the championship, it is more important that the team acts as a team. The reason these are different strategies is that the striving for the championship occurs across time.
As good parents, we should not try to teach our kids to win a single game. We should be teaching them how to win the championship. So, a championship is much closer to real life. Real life, however, might be a whole series of championships. Teach you son (or daughter) to be a proper competitor in an entire series. You do that by helping him develop his character. A mature character is the best strategy to help your son win the championship (or a series of championships of life) over the largest span of time.
Teach your son, not to win exactly, but to play well with others. Yes, try to win. But he should also strive to develop the talents of those around him and not to make it about winning all things, all the time. This makes your son fun to play with. If he is fun to play with, then other kids are there to play with him and adults want to teach him.
During his lifetime, your son will be given more opportunities to play baseball (or whatever sport or life’s endeavor) and this is how he will win at life. He keeps getting invited to play more games. He gets more opportunities. This is why teaching your kid that winning a baseball game is not everything. Knowing this is a strategy for doing well at life. Do not sacrifice your ability to win at life; winning a single game is not the point.
This is why narcissistic professional ball players are not appreciated. Yes, they are a winner. But their character is suspect. They are a “winner” in the most narrow sense. That is because we are looking for those that can win across a set of games. Fans watching these games have a much more negative response if a self-centered player loses and then complains about the loss. Why? Because that player’s character is suspect.
The greatest athletes are those who can lose gracefully. They are not only exceptionally skilled at what they do, but they are trying to expand their skills at all times (increasing their chances of winning in the future). This is what people like to watch. They don’t like to watch the perfect athlete, but the athlete who is getting better and who is helping teammates get better..
This means that if player loses a game and then whines about it, then the player has sacrificed the more important principle of constant improvement of his own skills. Instead, the player should be analyzing the loss where he is insufficient and not blame his loss on the team or on the referees. If he complains, he is not pushing himself to be a better player.
Help the other players on your team. Don’t grandstand. If you have the opportunity to beat your opponent by crushing them, it is wise not to do so and not humiliate them. What you should want is for the best in others. And that is what you want form those who surround you. They will hold you to a higher standard if you have those kind of folks with you.
If for some reason, any reason, you do not uphold the highest performance or the best character, these people will immediately react to correct you. They will tell you that you are demeaning yourself. You are less than you could be; and you won’t like that. There is real judgement in that and it’s harsh. Be with people who truly want the best for you and are willing to make you better.
Play nobly. Pay attention to your teammates. Winning every game is not winning.
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Please read my new book, “Our Longest Year in Iraq,” on Amazon (link here).
Now, this is a great article. I found it originally in your new book, “55 Rules for a Good Life.” Gen. Satterfield, thank you for helping make my day.
I’m new to this website and happy I found it
Wow, great article explaining what I could not explain but somehow knew to be true!
I like the new direction of your blog, Gen. S. This article was way better than I had expected for a Sunday. I know most of your comments come from those of us Mon to Fri. Today, a day of rest, should have something less enticing but I know you are always looking to strike out onto a new playing field. Enjoy. And thanks Gen. S. for your continued service to our leaders and those who are interested in leadership as a topic.
Way better. Better focus on those things we can use to improve our understanding of leadership. I’d like to see a more detailed article on what Gen. Satterfield considers to be leadership and the distinction betw/ leadership and heroism.
Good suggestions. Thanks Army Vet for your service and your past articles here in Gen. Satterfield’s blog.
I like the idea of getting a better understanding of what old ideas really mean.
Me too #### (oh, different me too). I agree, Pink Cloud.
Gen. Satterfield, I really enjoyed and was educated by today’s article. Please keep them coming our way. I read your blog every day and, I must say, I enjoy it.
Here is the point, and what this statement means. A game is not just a game. A game is part of a series of games (even when playing with your friends). Winning a baseball game was not really what we wanted (although we certainly thought so). Our aim was to win the baseball season championship and that was the result of a series of games. POW, Gen. Satterfield nails it.
Yep, get your act together folks and learn why winning A GAME is not the point of sports but to learn how to operate in a complex world (using the game as a vehicle of learning). Good article, Gen. S.
Yep!
One of the best articles I’ve ever read about winning.
Yes, Gen. Satterfield, surround yourself with good people and they will ensure you don’t become corrupted. And that is exactly the problem with modernist leftist progressives – they surround themselves with sycophants and other hangers on. 😊
And I was watching a baseball game and thought it was the best. Go Yankees!
Hey, Commie Red, I thought baseball was a bourgeoisie game, not to be trusted. That it makes all us capitalist’s rich at the expense of the “poor.”
Gil, stop using logic with commies.
If it were only that simple. I recommend a video by Jordan Peterson who talks about the compatibility between communism and Christianity. Interesting.
Respect your family and your friends. Learn respect, for it is more powerful than you can imagine. When ‘commie red’ steps off base, try to understand his ideas and make them more powerful and then argue against the more powerful argument. That way you earn his respect too.
👍 all thumbs up.
Powerful.
Very powerful. ——- ❤
Yep, winning is not everything, nor clearly the most important. Learning to develop your character is best.
—– and read about the cloud cuckoo land of today’s liberalism and you will not be surprised how the “masses” have finally risen up to take over and the results are not pretty.