Enabling Bad Behavior

By | September 28, 2020

[September 28, 2020]  One of the better things about the military is that it gives opportunities to learn from good and bad leadership.  I’ve witnessed some deplorable decisions by leaders at all levels, one of which was by a two-star General.  His command headquarters was rife with insubordinate civilians who regularly disobeyed orders and failed to show up to work.  In doing nothing about it, he was enabling their bad behavior.

Fortunately, in this case, this Flag Officer1 was forced to retire.  That may seem like the military was too easy on him, and that is true, but at least he was no longer enabling bad behavior.  A complete lack of personnel accountability and rampant corruption in his day-to-day civilian workforce was at the heart of what this officer failed to fix, despite many warnings.

Enabling bad behavior only makes it worse.  Leaders must be aware that no change can be expected if they do not change their own behavior.  Even if the leader does nothing wrong, they are – by definition – they are accepting it, or at least people think you are approving it.  Those misbehaving will not do anything to stop their behavior and resist any attempts to do something about them.

It is not easy to be tough, to set high standards, and hold people accountable.  We all want to be compassionate, understanding, and supportive of others.  People will like us more for it, and we seem to have an innate desire to be appreciated.  There are times, however, that compassion, understanding, and support aren’t going to cut it.  There comes a time when all that is doing is enabling bad behavior.  If the leader doesn’t change, things will only get worse.

This Flag officer overlooked the unauthorized absences, insubordination, conduct of a personal business out of his headquarters, and paying for a civilian’s relatives to travel with her.  It was even worse than that, yet this civilian’s behavior was open and fearless.  It was clear to me and others that this Flag officer was hoping to be promoted or given another command so the follow-on commander would have to deal with it.

He believed this civilian would eventually come around and do a good job.  He thought confronting the issue would be traumatic to his command and that the solution was more damaging than no solution.  He also thought this was not a big problem, and he had higher priorities.  But once we let someone get away with bad behavior, it becomes harder to address in the future.

This leader failed to get his command back on track and deal appropriately with his civilians misbehaving.  If only this officer dared to take responsibility, the command could have started to heal.  Sadly, his credibility suffered from his loss of control.  He was no longer respected.  The solution is to handle such problems early when they are easier to correct.  But that takes courage.

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  1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flag_officer
Author: Douglas R. Satterfield

Hello. I provide one article every day. My writings are influenced by great thinkers such as Friedrich Nietzsche, Karl Jung, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, Jean Piaget, Erich Neumann, and Jordan Peterson, whose insight and brilliance have gotten millions worldwide to think about improving ourselves. Thank you for reading my blog.

22 thoughts on “Enabling Bad Behavior

  1. Dennis Mathes

    Bad habits are something folks like this actually “encourage” as opposed to discouraging. I know a young man who liked to smoke marijuana. But he continued to smoke more and more until he finally lost his job due to slowing down of his brain and not coming into work. His family said it was just a “personal thing” and didn’t discourage his bad habit. They were enabling the young man and now his life is going to ruin unless he has the strength to pull out of it.

    Reply
  2. Xavier Bordon

    My youngest sister (out of 5 kids) had trouble with alcohol. Mom and dad were always giving excuses for her behavior. She never got better even after multiple stays in detox centers. Mom and dad finally got enough of it and kicked her out of the house (my sister was 22 at the time). Now she is finally getting her act together. Will she succeed on her own? We’ll see but being at home was not the place to get cured.

    Reply
    1. Darwin Lippe

      Too bad about your sister. I hope she gets better. I’ll keep her in my prayers.

      Reply
  3. JT Patterson

    Good references here. I recommend anytime that Gen. Satterfield gives us a link that we actually follow that link to see why he put it there. It was surely no accident. I’ve more some great writing at the end of those links.

    Reply
  4. Janna Faulkner

    Love your website, Gen. Satterfield. Thank you so much for another great article. I’ve been on and off your site for a long time now and have given the link to my friends who like reading it. They don’t make comments because they are afraid for some reason; but not me. Ha Ha. Keep up the great works.

    Reply
    1. lydia truman

      Janna, yes, been there done that. I too have many friends at work that love the site as well. Occasionally I find one posted on the refrigerator in our breakroom.

      Reply
  5. Otto Z. Zuckermann

    “This Flag officer overlooked the unauthorized absences, insubordination, conduct of a personal business out of his headquarters, and paying for a civilian’s relatives to travel with her. ” AMAZING that this would exist today. But I guess it would given our PC ideology that has infected all organizations and it appears the Army as well.

    Reply
      1. Willie Shrumburger

        “Nuts” I’m not so sure but suckered into a compassionate political correctness thinking mode, yes.

        Reply
  6. Max Foster

    One thing I’m happy about is that the military eventually got rid of such a terrible officer. You cannot continue any organization without some basic discipline. It is obvious to me that this officer was just interested in his personal career, and damn the rest of the organization. He was just “passing through” and hoping to get out of there before the whole house of cards came down. Guess he didn’t make it.

    Reply
    1. Roger Yellowmule

      Yes, and as it should be. I’m horrified that the army didn’t kick him out dishonorably instead of letting him retire with honor.

      Reply
    2. Len Jakosky

      Excellent comment, Max. Too many leaders are “just passing through” and that is a shameful way to think as a leader. But I’m afraid this is the accepted method of so many senior leaders. They start looking at an easy retirement and aren’t willing to do the work today.

      Reply
  7. Stacey Borden

    It is appalling that such a senior Army military officer could ignore such egregious behavior from a subordinate. But I would think it happens more often than we think.

    Reply
  8. Army Captain

    I’ve seen too many good leaders enable behavior that is undesirable because the leader doesn’t have the requisite social skills. The Army sorts these folks out pretty quick if they don’t pickup the skills after a few years.

    Reply
    1. Tom Bushmaster

      Even senior leaders can be guilty of enabling wrong behavior, just look at the 2-star Gen Satterfield just wrote about. No one is immune from doing stupid.

      Reply
      1. Army Captain

        Thanks ARay. All the best to you and your family. I’ve found this leadership site to be extremely helpful to me and to many of my peers in the US Army. I would hope you also help get the word out and let other leaders find out that there is value in reading Gen. Satterfield’s articles and this forums’ section.

        Reply
  9. Eric Coda

    Imagine that people actually “encourage” bad behavior by enabling it thru their actions; often unintentionally or thru wanting to be compassionate. Compassion can work at cross-purposes from what you want.

    Reply

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