[October 26, 2022] If you have real friends and you tell them bad news, they’re actually sad for you. You can tell them, and they will listen. They will help you take the pain, will not tell you about some worse thing that happened to them defensively, or won’t secretly be happy that you got knocked down. They won’t tell you you’re stupid. They will listen.
If you have a friend and something good happens to you, they are happy for you.
For example, if you’re trying to quit smoking and your friends are offering you cigarettes, there is a problem. I’m smoking; you’re smoking; you’re quitting. Do you think you’re better than me? It’s like, Can I get you to smoke? And then I don’t have to be embarrassed that I’m unable to quit like you. Who cares about your health anyway, ha ha ha, have another cigarette.
People don’t understand that, morally, it is acceptable to choose people trying to help you be better and to shy away from people who will drag you down. You want the best for the best in them. That’s what you want and what you want from people you surround yourself with.
These real friends will hold you to a high standard if you choose your friends based on this standard. Because whenever you degenerate or fall down improperly because of your failures, they will tell you to clue the hell in. They will say you are demeaning yourself. You’re not living up to your potential. You’re less than you could be. And there’s honest judgment in that, and it’s harsh.
People who you have around you are not friends if they are not honest with you and are not there for you during your time of need. You want friends who are happy about it when something good happens to you. They are not bitter and resentful underhandedly, saying horrible things behind your back and telling you they did something better. That’s not helpful.
And when something terrible happens to you, and you go to them, you say, this terrible thing happened to me. First, they don’t try to top it with some horrible thing that happened to them because they don’t have the patience to listen. Second, they’re not secretly gloating that catastrophe finally hit you. They’re actually hurt by it.
Take a look at the people around you. And if they’re not on the side of what’s good for you, then walk away. That’s also best for them too. If you put up with that, you’re enabling their failures.
“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.” – Matthew 7:6, Bible, KJV
This Biblical verse means that when you are offering words of wisdom to someone with a genuine attempt to help and they treat that with contempt, you need to stop. Sometimes you can help people by just walking away.
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Gen. Satterfield sure knows how to make an important point and you can read it here, “People who you have around you are not friends if they are not honest with you and are not there for you during your time of need. You want friends who are happy about it when something good happens to you. They are not bitter and resentful underhandedly, saying horrible things behind your back and telling you they did something better.”
Bird Man, good to see you back on Gen. Satterfield’s leadership blog. We all get the message but only because Gen. Satterfield spells it out plainly and clearly. That is how a leader operates.
Message good and correct.
Great analogy, ” if you’re trying to quit smoking and your friends are offering you cigarettes, there is a problem. ” Nailed it.
Sometimes I don’t think my husband understands this. He has friends still from his old High School days and they are not good for him. He continues the relationship (despite him being the real rock in the relationship) and it does not do him anything or give him value. I told him it would be best if he cut them off, but he disagrees and thinks he is strong enough to still be a good husband and father. Not everyone thinks this way but I’ll support him always anyway.
You husband is lucky to have you as a wife.
Yep. 💖💖💖💖💖
Thanks for sharing Janna. I think this is a common theme among men in their 30s. Most grow out of it in their 40s.
Gen. Satterfield, I think this also applies to nations. Some nation-states are worthless to have as a partner and maybe we should just reject them outright. Others are close, keep them close for they are the allied friends that will not abandon us when the world goes to sh##. Keep those relationships strong. Keep communication open. Test that friendship always, for it needs the stress to make it stronger.
“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” — Walter Winchell
Excellent quote.
“Don’t make friends who are comfortable to be with. Make friends who will force you to lever yourself up.” quote of Thomas J. Watson
Good friends are too rare. ✔✔✔✔✔
Matthew 7:6, Bible, This Biblical verse means that when you are offering words of wisdom to someone with a genuine attempt to help and they treat that with contempt, you need to stop. Sometimes you can help people by just walking away.
If you read the Bible and try to understand what is the message, you will have to sit and think about it for a while. Then apply that lesson(s) to your daily life.
Fewer and fewer read the Bible. But more importantly it is crucial to know what is in the Bible and also important the meaning. Gen. Satterfield has given us some interpretation of the symbology in the past.
https://www.theleadermaker.com/the-sacrifices-you-chose-to-and-must-make/
Love your yellow lab moniker, Joe.
A great way to look at what your friends do for you or not for you. Cheers!
Thank you Gen. S. for more clarity than I could expect elsewhere. It is hard to dump friends but you must do so if you want to have a “good life.” Just think, that is one of Gen. Satterfield’s chapter titles in his new book. You can read it here:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1737915529/
Gen. Satterfield strikes again with some basic common sense. Oh, I got my copy of his book. Great job, Gen. S. Loving every page.
Hi JT, you and I are two of the longest running readers of Gen. Satterfield, and I think we can both agree it has been more than worthwhile to read his blog daily. I have also printed a number of his articles and posted them on my workplace bulletin board and asked for comments. Nearly all were very positive and now he has more readers. The problem is that Gen. S. has a harsh message (that we all need to hear) but many will run away from that message becasue they are cowards. Remember that cowards die a thousand deaths.
Me too. Don’t you really appreciate clarity when too many schools are just snake oil salesmen? Support this website by purchasing Gen. Satterfield’s new book, “55 Rules for a Good Life.” You will find it worth the ten bucks.
I learned this the hard way when my friends in my younger days would go on drinking binges to see who would be blacked out the longest. The height of stupidity. I eventually walked away from them and to my great benefit.
Steve, you were lucky! Never look back. Your friends were not real friends.
Yeah, you had a spark of intelligence in the drunken stupor that let you really life a good life rather than being taken in by total stupidity and ignorance. well done Steve. 😀