[July 31, 2026] Inevitably, I get asked this question whenever I go to High Schools to talk about what it is to be a Veteran. Those students pushed me to provide a better answer than “when you turn 18.” So, when do you become an adult?”
I’m a student of Prof. Jordan Peterson’s ideas, and he often discusses this topic, especially on how to be a good person; one who voluntarily adopts responsibility. His primary answer to the question is that you become an adult when you recognize that there is somebody more important than you.
He says that when people have children, they often undergo the process of ‘radical maturity.’ “You can see it in their face, you can see it in how they conduct themselves; they turn from children to adults when they realize their children are more important than themselves.” He admits this is not always the case, but mostly that is true.
The majority of people are still kids until they have children. Partly because they are not until they come to accept the idea that those children are more important than they are. And that is vastly difficult to pull off before they have children. But it’s not easy. And it’s not guaranteed. Children make it necessary, and if you don’t manage that transformation from child to adult, it is difficult to be the parent you should be.
I am in agreement with Prof. Peterson that the core to the answer is realizing that there are people more important than you, but having children is not the only way of becoming an adult. Another way, and although less common, is as powerful; being in combat with your comrades.
There is not a person alive who has been in the throes of combat with an enemy intent on killing you and your teammates that has not matured into an adult. And the reason is simple. When in combat, you realize that your team is more important than you. Without them, you are nothing. And you are not likely to survive.
There are other ways of becoming an adult but each is tied to the main concept Prof. Peterson rightly discusses. Perhaps there is an unexpected disaster that has taken place and you are forced by the nature of or circumstances of it to help people dying and injured, and you are one of the few with the abilities necessary. And you see that by not helping, you are actually doing more harm because those are your family, friends, and neighbors.
This is the same idea as leadership. I once wrote that the primary characteristic of a leader is caring for those that he leads. Peterson says that character is the basis of maturity. I agree, of course, but I’d like to take his idea one step further. If you are a good leader, then you must care about those who you are tasked to lead. Without caring, there is little motivation to provide for them and you certainly do not believe they are important.
When do you become an adult? That’s a great question. The answer is, when you realize others are more important than you.
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Hmmmmm, got me to thinking. I agree generally with Gen. Satterfield and thanks, sir, for giving us food for thought. Dr. Peterson’s idea is correct – he is smarter than me – but I think he is also very convincing. But like Gen. S.notes, there are other ways to become a mature adult.
This essay cuts straight to the heart of maturity in a way that most discussions of “adulthood” never do. Peterson’s insight that you become an adult when you recognize someone else is more important than you is both simple and profound. Having children forces that recognition for many people, but it is not the only path. Combat with trusted teammates produces the same radical shift, because survival depends on putting the group ahead of the self. In those moments the abstract idea of responsibility becomes concrete and non-negotiable. The same principle applies to genuine leadership: if you do not truly care about those you lead, you are merely managing, not leading. Disasters and crises can also accelerate the process when the people who need help are your own family, friends, or neighbors. What unites all these experiences is the voluntary acceptance of burden for the sake of others. That acceptance is the real dividing line between childhood and adulthood. Society’s legal markers of age often lag far behind the moral reality of what someone has already carried. Thank you for stating the truth so clearly and for connecting it to both family and the battlefield.
Bernie, gotcha! Children is what makes us adults but there are many other things as well that General Satterfield points out. And, indeed this article cuts straight to the heart of “maturity” means and why it matters. This is why I love this website and why I have my copy of “55 Rules for a Good Life” always handy on my desk at home.
Thank you, Gen. Satterfield. Please continue to share these kind of articles for us (and I mean that) because this is how I learn to put into words what I’m thinking but haven’t been able to verbalize it.
Good one, and I like the fact that you included those men (and women) who were in combat. I say that because many of us were young and fought and yet could not legally vote or drink alcohol at the time. Crazy. But society didn’t see us as adults but we could not participate fully as adults despite being combat veterans.
I like that part too.